November 17, 2004

Me and Mrs. Jones

The too-horrible-to-imagine-but-too-fascinating-to-look-away train wreck that was Star Jones' excrutiatingly long engagement and extravagant wedding is finally - FINALLY - over. (Now we can look forward to the excrutiatingly long divorce procedings and extravagant settlement coming in about two years, when the terms of Star Jones' alleged pre-nuptial agreement expire and hubby Al Reynolds can lay claim to some of the Payless spokeswoman's money.)

Has there ever been a more cynical and crass exploitation of one's own wedding for monetary gain and publicity? With everything from the cake to the guests' travel up for sponsorship, I'm surprised the new Mrs. Al Reynolds didn't walk down the aisle in a NASCAR-inspired wedding dress, covered in logos for Tide, STP oil and Marlboro cigarettes. She even made the annual Today Show wedding contest seem downright tasteful. It's been reported that homosexuals across the country closed their copies of US Weekly, scratched their heads in befuddlement and wondered, "And everyone thinks we're threatening the sanctity of marriage?"

With dollar signs clouding her field of vision, Star lit into "View" co-host Joy Behar yesterday for the crime of wearing pants to the wedding. We all know that wearing white is a good way for a guest to draw the woman of honor's ire, but in the micro-managed world of celebrity weddings it doesn't take much to turn Dr. Jekyll into Mrs. Bride.

Jones was especially upset at Behar for snapping pictures in violation of a rule meant to protect the newleyweds' contract with InStyle magazine, which had bought the rights to publish exclusive wedding photos. I don't know what Behar is paid for her hosting duties on "The View," but I'm sure it's enough that she wouldn't have sold the pictures to the tabloids to pay her rent.

When Behar commented that her pants-wearing, photo-snapping rule breaking was meant in good fun, Jones replied, "Rules are meant to be broken and people are meant to not get invited to the next thing." The next thing? Is she already planning another wedding? God help us all.

In Star's defense, it's not unheard of for even the most level-headed bride to lose her cool. For example, my wife might have been upset had someone rearranged the seating cards at our reception, as "View" newbie Elisabeth Hasselback did at the Jones-Reynolds affair. But then again, L doesn't have a national TV show on which to berate those who commit such insignificant violations of etiquette.

Congratulations, Star. Instead of basking in the glow of a joyous celebration in the company of your new husband, you berated Joy Behar in front of millions.

Posted by Doug at November 17, 2004 11:32 AM

Criminy. It takes a certain kind of woman to carry on her Bridezilla-ness even after the wedding. A certain kind of insufferable woman. I'll be surprised if Mr. Jones even lasts the two years.

And if "rules are meant to be broken," then what the heck is she gritching about?

Posted by: ChgoRed at November 17, 2004 12:19 PM

She is truly heinous. She'll be divorced in a year.

Posted by: Jules at November 18, 2004 12:09 PM

My thoughts exactly. What a waste of a perrson.

Posted by: Dave at November 19, 2004 10:37 AM

Apparently each of you are TRULY jealous of the possibility that Star may be happy and this is the person for her! It appears that because she is a person of status she is not allowed to be human in your eyes. Get a life!!!!

Posted by: amate at December 5, 2004 06:28 PM