One day after the deadline 190 guests have replied positively. That's a decent number, but it does not include the 50 (!) people who simply did not mail in their cards. Now, I am aware of at least five people who are coming but who didn't send in their cards until only a few days ago, but each of those people called me or emailed to let me know what was going on. Until we track these people down, we will be unable to declare a winner in the great wedding guest estimate. Interestingly enough, not one RSVP card arrived at L's parents' home yesterday, the very day they were due. C'mon, people! Get with the picture!
I was in Boston for the weekend, and while I was there I had brunch with my friends Amy and Adam who were married a little less than one year ago. Adam and Amy warned me of a certain type of guest: the ones who simply do not show up, even though they have RSVP'd. Adam said to be prepared for as many 15 people to do this and, while it's far easier to deal with than the people who show up after not RSVP'ing at all, it's still a pain as it results in unused food that we'll still wind up having to pay for.
One reader of this site emailed me with an even more awkward type of guest: the one who shows up uninvited. No, not the person who shows up after failing to RSVP, but the person who wasn't sent an invitation in the first place. For the brides and grooms who don't want to create a scene at their weddings - and I would imagine that's most of them - I'm not quite sure there's any good advice I could give on how to deal with this one. Any thoughts?
Posted by The Groom at August 3, 2004 09:35 AMI had 6 people say "YES", and not show up! It makes you want to give the caterer a lower number than RSVPs, but...what IF everyone DOES show up? And you haven't paid for them??
I guess that's a risk you take!
As far as unwanted guests---not sure what to say because it didn't happen to me, nor have I heard it happen to any of my friends!
I wouldn't worry about it, and hopefully they brought a gift? Maybe have someone confront them afterwards?
Or talk to the manager at the hall?
And what do you say to the person who decides to bring a boyfriend or girlfriend they've been dating for just a few weeks, when the invitation was addressed just to one person - not "and Guest"? (Our general rule for adding guests to the invitation was that they had to be with the person for at least a year. At that point, they're a couple, and not just dating anymore. The exception, of course, is if we both know the other person well.)
Posted by: M at August 3, 2004 11:07 AMWe also had a few no-shows who RSVP'd. The good news was that our guests really loved the food, and ate enough of it to make up for the no-shows. It could happen to anyone!
As for the uninvited guest, I've never seen it happen but imagine that is when I would call my Day Of Coordinator into play to gently escort the person out. Being an employee and not a friend makes it relatively easy for Coordinators to do these kinds of tasks without creating a scene.
Posted by: Trevor.net's Bride at August 3, 2004 12:12 PMThis actually happened at our wedding here in NYC. I'd say maybe 5 cousins and assorted distant relations of the groom just showed up without having been invited. As it happened, however, 5 or so guests who RSVPd didn't show up so in the end it was a wash (from the caterers perspective). There was some frantic last minute arranging of tables, but somehow it worked out with much less stress that one might think....
Posted by: Brooklyn Girl at August 3, 2004 12:25 PMWe had a doozy of an "un-invited guests" situation at our wedding. A cousin of my (now) husband's mother showed up - with 15 people in tow! She had RSVP'd for herself and one other person. My husband's uncle was put in the position of telling these people they could not attend as we would not have had the room or the food. Of course, they had a great weekend anyhow as Garth Brooks happened to be playing in the city where I got married the weekend of our wedding and stayed at the hotel where I had blocks of rooms. So they had their photo taken with Garth.
Posted by: Beth at August 3, 2004 02:00 PMPerhaps some of those 50 people didn't receive their invitation in the mail. And maybe they figured they weren't invited so they didn't inquire. Just a thought!
Posted by: anon at August 3, 2004 02:46 PMAs we were very careful to collect and double-check addresses before sending out invitations, I doubt this is the case. As far as I know, one invitation was returned as undeliverable and it was to a friend who moved the week we mailed everything and was simply one week behind forwarding his mail. A quick phone call remedied that one quickly.
As you have chosen to remain anonymous, I can't help but wonder if we know you and you are upset that you weren't invited. If that's the case - and you felt as if we were close enough to warrant an invitation in the first place - I hope you would feel free to call or email me directly.
Posted by: The Groom at August 3, 2004 02:55 PMUm . . . I think I'm one of those 50. . . .
Posted by: the other L at August 3, 2004 04:36 PMYou're damn right I should have been invited.
Posted by: anon at August 3, 2004 04:52 PMIt's not me!
Posted by: Francis at August 3, 2004 11:03 PMEight people who RSVPed "YES" to our June 2004 wedding didn't show up. That is EIGHT out of EIGHTY-EIGHT guests, which is a shockingly high percentage!! And I stupidly did not low-ball a number to our caterers, so I ended up paying for eight meals that I gave to my mother-in-law to take home (since we were flying off to our honeymoon). I'm still royally pissed at said eight people.
Posted by: Clare at August 4, 2004 12:30 AMI would check to make sure they received their invites. We had 2 people never get the invite in the mail (correct address and all) and 3 RSVP's get lost coming back to us. All very strange. The mail system can be tempermental. Good luck. We have 11 days to go!
Posted by: Elisa at August 4, 2004 09:55 AMWhat do you do if you know someone lied about why they aren't coming to your wedding?
Posted by: Long Goodfriend at August 6, 2004 12:00 PM