July 07, 2004

Singled Out

Refreshingly, the wedding we went to this weekend did not end with a bouquet toss and its equally cringe-worthy cousin, the garter toss. L and I have opted out of both traditions mostly out of respect for our friends. (I also have no interest in reaching up L's dress in front of my parents, her parents, my grandmother and everyone else, so a small part of our decision stems from our desire to avoid personal embarassment.)

It's one thing to do a bouquet toss when most of your friends are under the age of 25 and you are one of the first of your group to get married. But when you are over the age of thirty, why would you single out your single friends by humiliating them in a desperate grab for a bunch of flowers? Making them wear a scarlet "S" on their chests for the duration of the reception would be no less cruel.

And although I haven't seen it at most of the weddings we've attended in the last year, don't get me started on the singles table. To me, it stinks of a failure of creativity or even basic math skills. Just because you have ten single friends doesn't mean you have to sit them all at the same table. Instead of having one table of single people, why not sit six of those people at a table with two couples and the other four bachelors and bachelorettes at a table with three couples? Unfortunately, I think some people, once they are coupled off and ready to be married, become unable to divide by anything other than the number two.

Posted by The Groom at July 7, 2004 12:20 PM

Worse than the singles table is the table for the forgotten dates and significant others of the wedding party that are sitting at the head table. After travelling across the country last year for a wedding with my fiance, I was truly offended that I had to sit at the singles & abandoned people table while he sat up front and got served first. We're not doing a head table at our wedding for that reason, but I still considered seating the couple who did it to us at different tables. (I didn't consider it for very long, but I did have a good evil laugh to myself at the thought.)

Posted by: P at July 7, 2004 01:17 PM

In lieu of the bouquet toss, I will present my bouquet to my parents in honor of their 40th wedding anniversary.

Posted by: Gwen at July 7, 2004 02:51 PM

QUOTE: "Unfortunately, I think some people, once they are coupled off and ready to be married, become unable to divide by anything other than the number two."

You have NO idea how true this is! My mother raised me all by herself and exclusion she got from events just because she was single was many times painful. Sometimes I was the pseudo-other-half and we got invited as a pair... but yes. For some reason people do forget that single people exist once they are coupled off.

Posted by: Jen at July 8, 2004 07:32 AM

I sat at a singles table a few years ago - all guys! the couple didn't even do us the favor of sitting us next to available women!

Posted by: steve at July 8, 2004 10:57 AM

What kills me is the number of invites we've gotten since we became a couple -- all of them from people we've each been friends with for years.

Apparently now that me+him=couple, we're a hot ticket. Before that, I suppose we were each chopped liver.

Posted by: Suzie at July 8, 2004 05:22 PM

We opted out of the bouquet & garter toss and instead had the "anniversary dance". I had been to 2 weddings where this was done and both of us being in our 30s, we were close to the last of our friends to get married, so I knew we wouldnt have had many single women. Plus my husband also didnt feel comfortable reaching up my dress for the garter. It was quite fun and fortunately, the couple that "won" was my husbands aunt & uncle (being married 44 years.

Posted by: Meredith at July 10, 2004 05:47 PM