October 21, 2003

Blonde Ambition


L and I are big fans of Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica on MTV. In fact, the show might be the sole reason we're thinking of upgrading our cable system to one of those nifty TiVo-like digital video recorders. We wouldn't want to miss Jessica's questions about Chicken of the Sea ("Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says chicken. By the sea.") or the proper way to pronounce the name of a common Australian monotreme ("Isn't it plata-ma-pus? I always thought it was plata-ma-pus.").

Jessica calls these occasional stupid questions and malapropisms "blonde moments." They can happen to anyone, no matter their hair color, as demonstrated by a recent exchange between me and L.

I walked into the kitchen where I found L looking at a few different bottles of vitamins. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm trying to figure out how often you're supposed to take these," she said, holding one of the bottles. I looked at the bottle and then told L, "Um, it's called 'One-A-Day.'"

I recount this story not to embarass L,* but to point out that even the brightest of people can slip up every once in a while. Her reputation as being a few slices short of a loaf should not preclude you from picking up a copy of "Jessica Simpson I Do: Achieving Your Dream Wedding." I flipped through the book recently and was shocked at how easily the pop chanteuse pulled off her dream wedding.

Here are some of the helpful tips that can help you achieve the same dream:

1. Become a successful, internationally-known recording artist.
2. Marry someone who has also achieved success as an internationally-known recording artist.**
3. Earn millions of dollars in record sales, concert appearances, commerical endorsements and TV production deals.
4. Not holding a traditional, 9-to-5, Monday-through-Friday job should give you plenty of time to spend on wedding details.
5. Use the money you earn as a successful, internationally-known recording artist to pay for your dream wedding.

See how simple it is?

*Actually, that is the sole reason I brought it up.
**The person you marry does not have to be a successful solo artist. Being a member of a successful boy-band is okay, too.

Posted by The Groom at October 21, 2003 01:06 PM

Another tip from Jessica: schedule your life so you can spend 10 hours a day in the gym toning your abs and getting rid of the hanging flab under your arms.

Posted by: Stephanie at October 21, 2003 05:07 PM